We always hear "the rules” from the female side.  Now here are the rules from the male side.  These are our rules.   Please note, these are all

numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

 

• 1.  Men ARE not mind readers.
• 1. Learn to work the toilet seat.  You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.  You don't hear us complaining about you  leaving it down.
• 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
• 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
• 1. Crying is blackmail.
• 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
• 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
• 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
• 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
• 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.
• 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the  other one
• 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.  Not both.  If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
• 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
• 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
• 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.  Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 
• 1. If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.
• 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
• 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
• 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
• 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
• 1. You have enough clothes.
• 1. You have too many shoes.
• 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
• 1. Thank you for reading this.  Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

•  Make Natural Furniture Polish:  Polish wood furniture with a mixture of 3-parts sweet oil and 1-part vinegar. Shake well before applying with soft cloth. This is a lighter polish — without harsh chemicals — that won't harm your furniture.

• Make a Quick Dessert:  Combine equal parts of cherry pie filling and chocolate pudding. Put into parfait glasses and you'll have a Black Forest-type dessert

• Odors in Plastic Containers:  If your plastic food containers have taken on food smells, you can remove them by scrubbing the inside with a baking   soda and water paste, let sit a while and then rinse well.

• Low-Fat Coffee Creamer:  If you want to save money, make your own. Combine a bit of nonfat dry milk with low-fat liquid milk. Keep in the   refrigerator and shake before putting in your coffee.

• Carpet Areas Worn?  Purchase waterproof colored markers that match the worn spots. Then color the backing of the carpet that's showing through.        It works well on Orientals with dark-color patterns. 

• Need Extra Storage Space? Use empty suitcases, areas under beds, stack boxes or add extra shelves in closets. Fill a large plastic garbage can.     Invert the lid and put a round piece of plywood on top. Cover with a decorative cloth and use as a table.